Tired of turkey? Tired of working in the kitchen while there are other more pressing chores to attend to, such as watching tv or scraping the calluses off your feet? Here's a yummy real man holiday menu treat that is guaranteed to satisfy the most discriminating palate and make you the hero at any real man social gathering.
This fabulous working class real man menu treat was originally invented by several stone cold hippie sorts back in the mid 1970's and is now widely acclaimed by real men all over the free world. Yes the world that is free of spouses and other hangers-on.
Here ya go!
Holiday Suprise: Christmas Beans And Franks
You will need:
1 Mixing Bowl
1 Pyrex Baking Dish, (those 10 inch square ones are perfect)
1 Large Knife, Bowie if possible
1 Can Opener To Open Can (Note: Bowie knife works well if no can opener available.)
1 Large Cooking Spoon
1 Measuring Cup, Any Size Will Suffice
1 Roll Aluminum Foil
Ingredients:
1 15 oz Can Of Van Kamp's Pork And Beans
5 Frankfurters (1/2 Pack), Sliced Thin
10 slices Fried Bacon, Crumbled
1/4 cup molasses
1 tsp French's Mustard
2 Large Jalapeno Peppers, Sliced Thin
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350-375 degrees (F)
Into mixing bowl, place all prepared ingredients and stir together.
After blending with large spoon, dump the mixture into the 10 inch Pyrex cooking dish.
Cover tightly with aluminum foil.
Place in oven at 350 -375 degrees for 40-45 minutes depending on how hungry you are or how crispy you like the beans.
Serves two!
Now, if you have a big party for real men, and need to feed 20 real men SOMETHING that is guaranteed to please, you have to multiply all of the above by a considerable margin.
We recommend using a large disposable turkey baking pan because you'll have to wash fewer dishes and have more time for real man activities such as watching a good porno movie or bingew drinking. Paper plates are also a must for serving in the best holiday fashion!
Here's what you mathematically challenged cooks have got to do. Follow the directions below closely:
10 15 oz Cans of Van Kamp's Pork And Beans
5 10 Count Packs of Frankfurters
100 Slices Of Fried Bacon
2.5 Cups Molasses
3.5 Tablespoons French's Mustard
20 Large Jalapeno Peppers
Prepare as above.
Bon Appetit!
1 comment:
Hi Jerald! I'm a distant cousin of yours; our common ancestor is probably Moses Stamps. Anyway, I'm compiling information for a family history book and was wondering if you wouldn't mind contacting me. My email address is georgestamps at gmail dot com. Hope you get this message and that we're able to talk soon! Thanks!
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